Fitness magazine's awesome advice for vegans

Over the weekend, I picked up a copy of Fitness magazine at Von’s to read while I rode my exercise bike (yes, haha, I know) and was surprised to actually see the word “vegan” in it. So I waded through the usual crap about vitamin B-12 but was startled and disgusted at the handy advice part of the article:

“To load up on B12 (your goal: 2.4 micrograms a day), take a multivitamin or have several servings of fortified foods, such as soy milk, cereal, or tuna.”

Have several servings of tuna to combat the dietary havoc wreaked by my veganism? Wow, thanks, Fitness! That should do the trick! My circulation is kind of poor; should I maybe eat a few steaks while I’m at it?

And of course they say nothing about bovine growth hormone in dairy products, the antibiotics in commercial dairy, etc. They don’t even mention organic products at all. Advertisers would get mad. That’s fine in an article about eyeshadow or something, but if you’re giving people health and diet advice, I think you need to be more responsible about what you publish. Aside from the tuna thing it wasn’t a horrible article but pretty lame. If you’re a vegetarian who doesn’t know enough to eat beans and tofu for protein, you’re probably endangering your health in other ways, like walking into glass doors or something. (Dumb Dumb Dumb!)

Speaking of dumb, the avn blog (nsfw) is back! Hurray! I can tell you with great confidence that it will be the dumbest thing you’ll ever read. They even let Pete Warren blog again.

The main focus of the blog appears to be pete warren’s jerkoff fantasies, the swinger lifestyle and sex toys. This might not sound that bad on its face but let’s take a look at today’s entry, which begins “Masturbation is always a good time. I like mine slippery and loud. So here is the debate for the day… which lube is best? My personal fav is Liquid Sin with it’s amazing silky texture.”

Grotesque? Check. Illiterate? Check. Inane? Check again! It amazes me how these people can make sex so boring. Also note the “its/it’s” confusion — de rigueur on the avn blog! And here’s one from Pete Warren entitled “Dream Beaver”:

“There are those chicks you spot somewhere out in the normal world and just slobber all over yourself in the hopes of someday, someway seeing turn up in some porn. At least we do. This is one of those chicks.”

Not seeing “her” turn up in porn, no. Why have anyone copy edit the very first sentence of your two-paragraph blog entry? Who has the time for such anal-retentiveness?

Then there’s another from “Cadence,” who shows the strong adherence to journalistic integrity that avn is so well known for:

“With so many swing parties and groups out there which one do you choose???? Club Amnesty recently got shut down by somebody with a big mouth and a small brain yakking to the OC Register reporters trying to get her 15 min of fame. Well, she managed to destroy a REALLY great club while trying to get some personal publicity for her aging porn career (Jillian Foxxx), giving the industry a bad name.”

It appears that the lesson here is that the more punctuation symbols you use, the more conversational and reader-friendly you will come across. I should employ this tenet in my own blog!!!!! Am I right????? Or am I right???? lolz.

Purely for D’s amusement, I’ve been trying to leave comments on it but of course they never approve them. Which is funny because as a friend pointed out, “I’m surpised they don’t approve your comments. Hypocrites. What happened to all that free speech crap they whine about all the time?”

To that I say, YEAH, avn, how about that? Tireless free-speech crusaders my nonprolapsing anus. And even more hilarious was another comment from my friend about porn apologists and swinger idiots in general: “I just don’t get these people who think they’ve really discovered something nobody else knows: sex is fun! Despite universal agreement, these boobs feel the need to ‘spread the word’ in the most ridiculous manner possible.

Hey, you know what else is great? Eating when you’re hungry and drinking when you’re thirsty. Yay! I’m so smart!”