Much like the puckish honesty of the “Mad at Daddy” porno series, I very much enjoy the name of the new reality show “I Love Money.” If you’re not familiar, this show dangles 100 grand in front some of the most loserly dregs reality tv has ever seen: alumni from I Love New York, Rock of Love 2 and Flavor of Love. So if you find yourself pining for updates on the lives of Chance, Midget Mac, Meagan and Destiney from Rock of Love 2 and Pumkin — whose behavior, you might recall, Flavor Flav found unacceptably distasteful — among others, get thee to VH-1, oh, pretty much any time, since the show runs over and over.
The first episode features entertainingly set-up segments of the reality tv love-seeking detritus in their natural habitats, in which they talk about “the hood,” retarded dogs that they own, and threaten suicide if they don’t soon escape their parents’ basement. Once sequestered in Mexico, the money lovers are asked to put on identical bikinis and try to grab as much cash as they can in a wind booth. This episode is only worth watching because of Midget Mac, who flatly refuses to put the little bikini on and is subsequently cut. He pretty much calls all the women on the show whores and taunts them that he has more money than they do, but even so, he still comes off as the charmer of the group. His running commentary about what’s going on, usually subtitled, is the best part of the show.
Despite Midget Mac’s ignominious defeat, they are somehow soldiering on…some of their dreams for winning the money are quite heartwarming: Family man Midget Mac pledges to blow his wad on strippers; Pumkin wants a boob job; Destiney longs for a “cherry red” Corvette, her dream car; Meagan wants to alleviate the plight of retarded dogs everywhere (and also have a room with a glass ceiling built for her so she can tan in inclement weather and Whiteboy admits that he’s got bills to pay. The trailers for the season are hard to believe. It appears to be the most epic reality show of all time, really, with affairs, tears, intrigue, bloody noses, ooh mercy! Highly recommended.
What’s with all the tablecloths, guys?
Seriously…have you people not seen Project Runway ever before? Even I would know to avoid the obvious fucking tablecloths in a supermarket challenge. Korto’s kale thing was kind of neat but the sliced tomatoes were kinda…ugh. Maybe from far away they were cool but they looked like gory open sores if you looked too closely.
I was impressed by Terri’s mop top and also by Kelli’s dress. Although I wasn’t wild about the coffee filter-tits, her fabric dye job was you know, fun, and I thought her design was innovative (I believe she’s the one who used spiral notebook wiring for the closures in the back of the dress). Suede’s tablecloth was not only lame but ill-fitting up top. I thought Leanne’s candy dress was kind of cute, kind of ridiculous but ridiculous in a good way…if that’s possible.
I could say that many of the new contestants are not memorable but that would not really be fair; it’s only the first show and there are so many contestants to keep track of. But the humorless fellow who got cut was kind of freaking me out, you know, the one who sent an outfit suitable for a slaughterhouse worker down the runway:
It is curious that this all-too-deadly-serious contender chose rubber gloves to accessorize his outfit. It appears that he really unnerved the judges. Has anyone else been cut for being too creepy?
And what in God’s name was this?
Michael Kors said it looked like she had a diaper stuffed between her legs, true enough, but in this shot it looks like a stuffed cat toy glued face-down to her belly and strapped to her waist. A cat toy wearing a pink dotted beret. As if Blayne with a “y” wasn’t bad enough, ugh. (He is the tanning aficionado, if you’ll recall.)
One of my favorites is Joe, the unpretentious family man from Detroit. He seems humble and personable, which are rare traits on this show, and also the plucky gal who won last night, Kelli. She evidently makes rockabillyish cute party stuff in a boutique she runs back home in Columbus, Ohio. I hope she continues to do well and has the kind of broad skill set she’s going to need. I was surprised that she ended up winning, so good for her.
In Denise Richards’ world…
Yeah, so I guess I’m the only one who bothers bloggifying this show. I caught about 10 minutes of it the other night. First she was complaining about wanting to lose weight and seemed irritated that walking a few dogs didn’t immediately melt away the pounds, then she talked with her sister and brother-in-law about his vasectomy and then interviewed dog trainers. I think I’d rather watch Nibblz and Mr. Boston knock the shit out of each other on a bed suspended over a lake.
Was this my worst blog ever? Go ahead and say so. I can take it.
1 Comment
July 21, 2008 at 7:47 pm
This is off-topic, but did you see last night’s Two Coreys episode? I love your blogs about those douchebags. Now Feldman looks to be the bigger douche with his douchasaurus-sized Valentine’s day display for his wife. That show is so fake.