Please indulge me because I’m going to get really girly and briefly complain about skinny rich people. I caught some of a rerun of Real Housewives of New York City the other night and it was the one where that dark-haired bitch is posing for her cover shoot for some high-society rag, and the stylist or editor of the magazine is congratulating her on being a size 0. “I could tell from across the room that you were a 0,” she enthuses ass-kissingly. I realize this is old news, that whereas once a size 2 was considered small, now it’s all about the 0, blah blah, Rachel Zoe, Lindsay Lohan, Kiera Knightley, gah, blah blah…
But I’m still amazed that this ridiculous nonsize that I was so deeply ashamed to be in the 8th grade is now coveted among many ladies-who-rarely-lunch and Hollywood actresses. In other words, coveted by adult women. I’m 5′ 4 3/4″ and about 111, 112 pounds and a size 3/4. So how much weight would I have to lose to be a 0? Surely more than 10 pounds…20 pounds? That would be fucking insane. I would probably cease menstruating. Gross.
Anyway, thank you, I’m done. And that woman looked like a little boy in an evening gown from far away so fooey on her.
Tough shit for the loveless
I don’t have a lot to make fun of Tough Love about because I actually like this show. All the interviews are scripted like any other reality show, but the women do seem to be genuinely — and entertainingly — neurotic. Even scary. It’s interesting, because although I think Steve’s (who Dave really hates) advice is good most of the time, it seems the point of this show is as much helping women figure out how to trick men into thinking they’re not insane as it is about helping women break through the issues hindering them from finding love in healthy, committed relationships. I mean, sure, you can force yourself to not talk about your zeal to procreate or love of Scientology on your first few dates with a guy, but the crazy is still there, merely lying dormant. Like putting perfume on a pig, in a sense.
So yes, some of Steve’s lectures and appraisals of the women’s problems are pretty astute, I think. Although I questioned a couple things he said in last night’s episode.
If any guy can get past Taylor’s nails-on-a-chalkboard voice, he is treated to a blunt warning that she won’t date anyone who doesn’t have money. Steve and the other women are aghast and repeatedly deride Taylor for being a gold digger. She is one, sure, but why set her up with some struggling actor just to teach her a lesson? Steve knew she wasn’t going to like the guy and would probably – and did – humiliate him. Who wants some dude who can’t pay his bills, seriously?
I also disapproved of his lecture to Jodi that at her incredibly advanced age of 38, she needs to get over her aversion to dating men with children. Um, maybe she doesn’t want to be a mom and knows she’d be bad at it? What the hell is wrong with that? Her boyfriend would be unhappy but more importantly, the child would. Steve’s argument is that a man who has a child is more mature, which is what she needs. Sure, parenthood usually matures parents of both sexes, but there are also innumerable dead-beat dads and moms who could counter that assertion. Bad advice!
That said, I suppose it’s a worse idea to immediately discount a guy who has a kid even if you don’t want to be a parent. Parents — good ones — are usually cautious about introducing a girlfriend or boyfriend to their kids, so hey, it could be a while before the kid is actually getting in the way of your life. I don’t know. The kid thing is clearly not the only hurdle Jodi is going to have to jump, let’s put it that way.
There is much meltdown action to look forward to in the next episode, evidently. Both Arian (remember those little kids with the fucked-up names like Cleetus “White Power” Jones or whatever? Hmm…) and Jodi, we are promised in preview clips of the show, throw tantrums. Arian appears to take offense at being called slutty and Jodi freaks out for an as yet unknown reason. I shall be tuning in!
Rock of Love Short Bus with Crap Michaels
Yawn. Snore. Click.
Cancun street brawls, dating your dad, the definition of Boston proper and fucking random Mexicans
Yes, I’m talking about The Bad Girls Club Reunion Show. I thought in the last episode Tiff forgave Amber M. for being a dramatic, wishy-washy bitch accusing Tiff’s visiting brother of touching her inappropriately. After Amber sexed him up over the phone, etc. That was dumb. So I was confused about why the vitriol had returned with such incredible force on the reunion show.
North Boston: Shut the fuck up, you don’t make any goddamned sense, bitch. Would you want to live in a house with someone who beat your ass? I don’t think you would.
I have to say, I liked how Perez Hilton hosted this show. Usually on these things, the host is bland and tepid and just says stuff like “Whoa….ok, um, we’re going to take a break now” when a brawl breaks out but Perez called out the fab five several times. He told Aliea that she’s a crazy bitch and that it was shameful that she showed no remorse for kicking Amber M. in the head, for crowing about it the next day, and for still expressing no regret about it three months later. He also told her she should return to the loony bin for a re-evaluation and spend some time there. Later, he asks Boston, “So tell me why anyone who isn’t from Boston would give a flying fuck that you’re from Boston?” Then in response to his probing, she admits she is from North Boston, yet insists this is still considered Boston. I lived in Boston for six months and I don’t remember what this means. But it was a long time ago. At any rate, hear hear, normally odious celeb blogger!
So…Tiffany reports that she is now lecturing impressionable young girls about anger management now? Hmm. What a great idea. And that uh, what’s her face, is being paid to hang out in bars. And wait, is one of the Ambers going to mortuary school? Did I hear that correctly? Such a stepping stone, these reality shows.
You don’t think there will really be an “Amber Show”? Do you? DO YOU? I shudder to think.
Shockingly, I have some love for Ray J
Well, at least I do for this one episode I caught, Damn! Ray and sister Brandi (Brandy?) have the remaining bitches pen nasty questions for the others for a lie detector test. Thirty questions each! Yowsers! Stuff like “Have you ever had a restraining order placed against you?” (yes) “Have you ever tried to harm a past boyfriend?” (yes) and “Have you ever had thoughts of killing any of the other girls in the house with you?” (YES! omg!) It was fucking crazy awesome.
Then Ray took the big winner who lied the least out to dinner and a strip club. Every girl’s dream. Then the girl, Chardonnay, laboriously crawls to the top of a stripper pole after she is coaxed on stage, and drops to the floor in a split. Ray jumps up and down like an excited 6-year-old, clapping for the booty. Yay! And I was thusly reminded why I don’t usually watch this show.
Midget Skank of Love
Daisy is returning to TV! Ask and you shall receive!
Have you seen the dudes pretending to vie for the love of the diminutive, stripping Rock of Love 2 alumnus? Do yourself a favor. My friend Mai and I laughed and laughed, oh, how we laughed! 20 Pack is back with a host of scary fellows. It’s taking way too long to try to save photos of these idiots on photobucket, so please. Please check out these twats. You won’t be sorry.